The verdict is in. You are
Every crew needs balance. You’re the Sergeant — send this to whoever’s getting Pool Zombie. You know exactly who.
From the field guide
Habitat
A suite that sleeps five, currently hosting nine, and a group chat operating at military tempo.
Diet
Mimosas and logistics.
Distinctive behaviors
Laminated the itinerary. Located Brittany twice before noon. Fronted $312 and counting.
Natural predators
Venmo silence.
Conservation status
Load-bearing. Protect at all costs.
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